For my Students

My heart has been in more pain these past couple weeks than I think it ever has been in my entire life. I know it's only been a year here, but a lot can happen in a year. I've had the most difficult, amazing, strengthening year of my life here. God has shown me things I never knew before and taught me that His plans for me reach much farther than Springfield, Illinois.

For those who don't know, I have made the decision, through a lot of prayer and trust, to not return to Honduras next year. Ugh, I don't even enjoy writing that sentence, let along actually having to do it soon. I have grown to love it here so much. I love the people. I love the mountains. I love the food. I love the music. I love the crazy public transportation. I love the stray dogs wandering the streets. I love the fireworks that randomly go off at any given time in the night. I love the rain. I love EVERYTHING. And yet, I am leaving.

Itzel and Lauren. Love these girls.

Crazy Karolyn. This girl is the best.

One big thing I've discovered in my time here is that I am much better at being friends with kids this age than I am at teaching them. While that makes me a great friend, it kind of messes with the teacher image, therefore, I think it's in their best interest if I come back in the future just as Brenna, not Miss Brenna. I don't like saying goodbyes, especially to these particular people. These kids have been practically my whole life for the last 9 months or so and now I have to say goodbye, not being entirely sure when I will see them again, just trusting that eventually I will. 

The last week of classes was 2 weeks ago. We ended it with a high school devotional time. I sat in the back and just looked out at all the kids. I thought back on all the memories I've made with my students over the year and literally sat there bawling like a baby. All I could think of was how this was it. This was the last day I would ever be with all of them all at once. The week leading up to their final exams week, I said my actual goodbyes to them. I told them how much I loved them and how much they mean to me and we remembered some of the good times, and even some of the not so good times that now also seem good in light of having to say goodbye. I gave them a little note reminding them just how special they are not only to me, but even more so to God.

Here's my prayer for my students: "I pray that every day of your lives, you would experience something new in light of Jesus Christ and what He has done for you. I pray that in all the good times and the bad times, that you would look to Him. I pray that your trust in Him will overflow and you will never forget WHO you belong to. I pray that He will continue to provide you with people in your life who also remind you how much He loves you and cares about you. I pray for boldness for you, to go out and do whatever it is He has called you to and to be fearless while doing it, knowing that He is on your side. Always. I thank God so much for each one of your lives and for making you each so special and for teaching me more this year than you could ever know. I thank God for the way He loved me so well through you this year. I pray that you will never forget how much God has already used you in the world and how He will CONTINUE to use you for the rest of your journey through life." - If you ever think of me and want to pray, you can say that same prayer for them.

I am really not good at putting my pain into words right now, but I can tell you that I am so so very thankful for this year and this time I got to have, not only with these kids, but in this country. I never want to have to say goodbye, but since all good things must come to an end (until we reach Heaven, thank God!), I will end with some wise, yet sad, words from my girl, Carrie Underwood.

Silly 9th grade girls. Always a fun time. Always.

"I will see you again, this is not where it ends. I will carry you with me 'til I see you again."

Javier. He almost always refuses to smile and definitely refuses pictures with me. I finally convinced him. This picture is a big deal, people.

Until next time, kiddos, keep living your lives for Jesus and keep on changing the world.

These kids. They will never know how much I love them and how much they have changed me in so many, many ways.