Do you like the word shame? Doesn't it ever just make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside? Oh...no?? Yeah, me neither. If I'm being honest, shame is something I would rather avoid at all costs, as I am sure you would like to do as well. Well, here's what I've learned about shame:
* IT'S ALL ABOUT GRACE *
I've been doing a devotion the past few weeks and one of the focuses was on the story of Hosea. Hosea is my favorite. Hosea is absolutely nuts for loving someone who constantly shows her hatred for him in return. Hosea is JESUS. And we know that Jesus is the only one who can offer us salvation. Do you really know what salvation is? Because most of the time when I think about it, I picture Jesus dying on the cross so that I can live. What I forget are all the beautiful parts in between.
The literal definition of salvation is "the act of saving or protecting from harm, risk, loss, destruction"
God didn't just send His son one time for all of us; He sends Him everyday. Do you see it? Do you see how He sends his salvation for you again and again? Listen, I am a huge Harry Potter fan, so of course for this, I am going to relate shame to the dementors in the story. Dementors' purpose is to suck out all of the life within you. Isn't that what shame's purpose is, too? To make us feel so low, so dark, so heavy, so STUCK that we find it near impossible to ever see a way out of it? Then, that's when the beauty comes. It comes in the form of a friend. Or a scripture. Or a story.
In the effort of being honest, this next part is going to be really raw. But, I am afraid you still just won't get what I'm saying unless I paint my own picture. What you need to know is that I live with comparison. I swear, it does not leave me alone. It follows me everywhere and always whispers mean things. It won't shut up about how much I fail and how I don't measure up. Oh my Holy Jesus, can I get an AMEN?!?! Is comparison your bully, too?? Comparison is the fastest way I find myself in a state of shame. And shame is the fastest way I ever feel shackled; the thing that makes me feel the least amount of free. Don't miss this: God did what He did so we would be free. Just because the word free is a big, all encompassing, hard to fully understand word, doesn't mean that we can't still feel it. I never knew how to feel free, because I never knew that I felt like a hostage.
The current season of my life has landed me in a state of shame because I compare myself to someone else. I see what she is doing for the kingdom of Jesus and I immediately believe I am not doing enough. I believe people are looking at me and believing that with me. I feel badly about my seemingly small contributions. When I get to that place, I proceed to close people off. I can't talk about anything because it ALL consumes me and makes me feel small and unimportant. Can I tell you a (not so) secret? The best, and possibly only, way to deal with shame is to speak it out loud. I finally told my friend how I felt. And her response was barely anything. And yet it was everything. She didn't try to assure me of anything. She just sat there in a frustrated for me kind of state and whispered, "oh, buddy." In those two words I knew I was wrong. I knew I was okay. I knew that the only reason she was upset is because I actually believe those lies I keep hearing.
Shame is really really hard to overcome. But it is not impossible. The thing I've discovered is the antidote to shame is simple. It's grace.
You know that cliche song, "Your Grace Is Enough"? I used to like it. For about a half second. And then I got tired of it and it sounded silly and kind of childish. I think that's what's even funnier about this post, all I can think of is that song and how true that line really is. Grace is something we do not deserve because Jesus is someone we don't deserve. And yet. Here He is, offering us the one thing we cannot offer ourselves because we simply do not know how. But He does. He gives us grace. And therefore, He gives us freedom. Because His grace really IS enough. God offers us grace just like Hosea offered Gomer grace - because they want us to feel the freedom from our own bondage.
Jesus keeps choosing our mess IN THE NAME OF FREEDOM.
Oh, how I wish I could believe that everyday. I wish I could live out my faith like that. But, God knows it's really hard sometimes...so He sends us people to help us see the light when we cannot see it ourselves. Cling tightly to those people in your lives who are grace-givers. You're gonna need them to battle all these storms ahead.
Friday, September 23, 2016
Thursday, July 7, 2016
Finding Hope in the Face of Death
Over the past couple of weeks, I feel like death has been a common theme for the people around me. Whether it is someone who has recently passed away or someone's anniversary of their death. Let's just remind ourselves: Death is HARD. Always. Every time. No matter what. I was reminded of that as I visited my Uncle Terry's grave this past week with my family. It's been almost 10 years and it still hurts. Sometimes it still doesn't seem any easier now than the very day they lost him.
What makes me the saddest about death is that so many times, we don't remember Jesus and the hope we can cling to in Him. Instead, we are inclined to cling to our sadness and our anger and our memories, which then just start the cycle all over again.
I hear so many times when someone is trying to comfort a loved one who's just lost someone that they'll "see them again in Heaven some day, so just hold tight to that hope". Friends, that's not the hope I want. My hope in Heaven doesn't have a single thing to do with the people I'm going to be reunited with.
It has everything to do with the Savior I'm going to see face to face.
THAT'S the joy.
THAT'S the hope.
So many times, I try to put myself in the shoes of friends grieving over someone's loss, and every time, I come up with the same answer. Jesus. If we are called as children of God to seek Him while on earth, then that means that every relationship we have somehow reflects God as well. Why? Because if God created all of us, then even at our very worst, we all still reflect God. Therefore, when we lose someone we care so very deeply about, yes it is going to hurt like hell. BUT. The joy we have is that if we have our faith in Jesus Christ, when we get to Heaven, we aren't going to even be thinking about the other people we missed on earth, because we will be with the one who embodies ALL of them. And then some.
If God is the goal, then He will be the outcome upon our death. And there is great joy in that. Great joy in knowing that no matter what kind of sacrifices we go through on earth, including losing those we care about (whether physically or just by distance), God is STILL the outcome. And because of that, my friends, the pain and hurt and sorrow and loneliness we feel now will be washed away by the very hand of the One who loves us most. Just keep clinging to the hope. Keep trusting that God is who He says He is.
And for those we know who are not believers, let this current time in our world be a reminder of how important it is to never stop sharing the joy and the hope we have in Jesus. If YOU can't imagine a life without Jesus, how do you think your friends who don't know Him handle the hardness of loss?
Without Christ, I am nothing.
With Christ, I have everything. Including the truth that death is not nearly as scary when we have Jesus as our hope.
What makes me the saddest about death is that so many times, we don't remember Jesus and the hope we can cling to in Him. Instead, we are inclined to cling to our sadness and our anger and our memories, which then just start the cycle all over again.
I hear so many times when someone is trying to comfort a loved one who's just lost someone that they'll "see them again in Heaven some day, so just hold tight to that hope". Friends, that's not the hope I want. My hope in Heaven doesn't have a single thing to do with the people I'm going to be reunited with.
It has everything to do with the Savior I'm going to see face to face.
THAT'S the joy.
THAT'S the hope.
So many times, I try to put myself in the shoes of friends grieving over someone's loss, and every time, I come up with the same answer. Jesus. If we are called as children of God to seek Him while on earth, then that means that every relationship we have somehow reflects God as well. Why? Because if God created all of us, then even at our very worst, we all still reflect God. Therefore, when we lose someone we care so very deeply about, yes it is going to hurt like hell. BUT. The joy we have is that if we have our faith in Jesus Christ, when we get to Heaven, we aren't going to even be thinking about the other people we missed on earth, because we will be with the one who embodies ALL of them. And then some.
If God is the goal, then He will be the outcome upon our death. And there is great joy in that. Great joy in knowing that no matter what kind of sacrifices we go through on earth, including losing those we care about (whether physically or just by distance), God is STILL the outcome. And because of that, my friends, the pain and hurt and sorrow and loneliness we feel now will be washed away by the very hand of the One who loves us most. Just keep clinging to the hope. Keep trusting that God is who He says He is.
And for those we know who are not believers, let this current time in our world be a reminder of how important it is to never stop sharing the joy and the hope we have in Jesus. If YOU can't imagine a life without Jesus, how do you think your friends who don't know Him handle the hardness of loss?
Without Christ, I am nothing.
Tuesday, May 17, 2016
Are we REALLY all overcomers, though?
Have you ever had one of those moments where you just felt like something was missing? Like when you don't have your seat belt on and it almost makes you feel naked because it's so weird to not be wearing it..? (or...uhh...maybe that's just me. Awkward.) Or have you ever been missing a piece of jewelry you wear every single day and then all the sudden you realize IT'S NOT THERE?!
Well, that jewelry story was me today. I lost a really important ring, but I didn't even notice until almost the entire day had gone by. So I had no clue when I really lost it...I just knew I was heartbroken over it. Because I really like metaphors, (and I've spent most of my life in church where, incidentally, a lot of metaphors get thrown around) I'm going to turn this into a teachable moment. (Because I also kinda like teaching) What if we replaced the ring in my story with Jesus? So I went about my whole day and didn't have Him with me (not actually true, but just stick with me), and then as the day is beginning to wind down I finally look around and notice that He isn't there. Can't we so easily do that in our spiritual lives? Even though He is always always with us, aren't there times we can just unknowingly cast Him aside, with about 1,000 possibilities for as to why we just didn't decide to carry Him along? I mean, it isn't as if we notice right away when we have lost our connection with Him. It is something that happens gradually, and typically we don't have any clue.
Our lives get busy. We sometimes experience seasons of life where we feel strong enough to handle life without running to Jesus. That life is so false, though. There is no true, genuine life outside of our Creator. Then, when hurt or pain strikes, we flail around like babies trying to learn how to swim. How different, and less stressful, would life be if we started living in Christ, day in and day out, no matter how hard or easy it was? I know, I know. I am constantly learning what the heck that means, too.
I guess what strikes me most about this ring of mine is what it says on it. It is inspired by the song, "Overcomer" by Christian artist, Mandisa, and I got it when my friends came to visit me in Honduras. The song carried me through what was honestly one of my most difficult life seasons. Talk about feeling like a failure and never being enough. Honduras brought all of that to the surface for me for the first time in my life. And it was painful. The verse engraved on the back of the ring is 1 John 4:4 --But you belong to God, my dear children. You have already overcome those people (referring to nonbelievers, essentially), because the spirit who lives in you is greater than the spirit who lives in the world.
Here's the truth, no matter what BS might hit the fan in our lives, we can ALWAYS take hope in Christ that He has overcome it all. And because of that, we can live boldly and face our fears because we know that in the end we have nothing to lose when we already have the One who is enough, who can never be taken from us.
The line that keeps popping up today from the song is this: "Stay in the fight 'til the final round." Here's the beautiful thing I am discovering about this...whether we fight or not, we still have Jesus. But, oh, wouldn't it just be so beautiful if we let God fight for us so that we might experience His power here on earth? Wouldn't it be awesome if we showed up for the fight?
That ring I lost was incredibly precious to me, but apparently it didn't really hit me until I lost it. When I looked down at my hand today at work and it wasn't there, I literally almost ran to the bathroom just so I could cry. Cry for the loss of something that knew my time in Honduras and experienced it right along with me. Something that always reminded me of what good community looks like, which in my case was my 2 dear friends making a goofy music video to the song and sending it to me BECAUSE THAT'S TOTALLY WHAT THEY DID. It's awesome. The reason I decided against running, though, was because running doesn't change our problems, at least not for the better, If anything, it just makes them worse; harder. If I am going to honestly learn how to dance with fear, then even in some of those moments of weakness where I want to break down (no matter HOW silly it may seem), I choose not to.
Oh, and it turns out I didn't actually lose my ring. I never even put in on for the day! Talk about being oblivious to things in your life...don't forget what the focus is. What the purpose is. It isn't us. It isn't our stuff. It isn't our lifetime achievement goals. It's Jesus. Always Jesus. We are all overcomers. In Christ, we have enough. We just have to learn how to dance with the fear when it threatens to make us feel like we're failing.
*disclaimer* - I am always always always speaking these same words back to myself when I write them. Please don't let me fool you into thinking I already have this figured out. I don't.
Well, that jewelry story was me today. I lost a really important ring, but I didn't even notice until almost the entire day had gone by. So I had no clue when I really lost it...I just knew I was heartbroken over it. Because I really like metaphors, (and I've spent most of my life in church where, incidentally, a lot of metaphors get thrown around) I'm going to turn this into a teachable moment. (Because I also kinda like teaching) What if we replaced the ring in my story with Jesus? So I went about my whole day and didn't have Him with me (not actually true, but just stick with me), and then as the day is beginning to wind down I finally look around and notice that He isn't there. Can't we so easily do that in our spiritual lives? Even though He is always always with us, aren't there times we can just unknowingly cast Him aside, with about 1,000 possibilities for as to why we just didn't decide to carry Him along? I mean, it isn't as if we notice right away when we have lost our connection with Him. It is something that happens gradually, and typically we don't have any clue.
Our lives get busy. We sometimes experience seasons of life where we feel strong enough to handle life without running to Jesus. That life is so false, though. There is no true, genuine life outside of our Creator. Then, when hurt or pain strikes, we flail around like babies trying to learn how to swim. How different, and less stressful, would life be if we started living in Christ, day in and day out, no matter how hard or easy it was? I know, I know. I am constantly learning what the heck that means, too.
I guess what strikes me most about this ring of mine is what it says on it. It is inspired by the song, "Overcomer" by Christian artist, Mandisa, and I got it when my friends came to visit me in Honduras. The song carried me through what was honestly one of my most difficult life seasons. Talk about feeling like a failure and never being enough. Honduras brought all of that to the surface for me for the first time in my life. And it was painful. The verse engraved on the back of the ring is 1 John 4:4 --But you belong to God, my dear children. You have already overcome those people (referring to nonbelievers, essentially), because the spirit who lives in you is greater than the spirit who lives in the world.
Here's the truth, no matter what BS might hit the fan in our lives, we can ALWAYS take hope in Christ that He has overcome it all. And because of that, we can live boldly and face our fears because we know that in the end we have nothing to lose when we already have the One who is enough, who can never be taken from us.
The line that keeps popping up today from the song is this: "Stay in the fight 'til the final round." Here's the beautiful thing I am discovering about this...whether we fight or not, we still have Jesus. But, oh, wouldn't it just be so beautiful if we let God fight for us so that we might experience His power here on earth? Wouldn't it be awesome if we showed up for the fight?
That ring I lost was incredibly precious to me, but apparently it didn't really hit me until I lost it. When I looked down at my hand today at work and it wasn't there, I literally almost ran to the bathroom just so I could cry. Cry for the loss of something that knew my time in Honduras and experienced it right along with me. Something that always reminded me of what good community looks like, which in my case was my 2 dear friends making a goofy music video to the song and sending it to me BECAUSE THAT'S TOTALLY WHAT THEY DID. It's awesome. The reason I decided against running, though, was because running doesn't change our problems, at least not for the better, If anything, it just makes them worse; harder. If I am going to honestly learn how to dance with fear, then even in some of those moments of weakness where I want to break down (no matter HOW silly it may seem), I choose not to.
Oh, and it turns out I didn't actually lose my ring. I never even put in on for the day! Talk about being oblivious to things in your life...don't forget what the focus is. What the purpose is. It isn't us. It isn't our stuff. It isn't our lifetime achievement goals. It's Jesus. Always Jesus. We are all overcomers. In Christ, we have enough. We just have to learn how to dance with the fear when it threatens to make us feel like we're failing.
*disclaimer* - I am always always always speaking these same words back to myself when I write them. Please don't let me fool you into thinking I already have this figured out. I don't.
Sunday, May 1, 2016
Even the Clouds Can Shine
Today started out as another perfectly normal one. I felt fine, did my usual thing at church, and then this dreaded thing happened: I was asked to go to some friends' house for Sunday lunch. Yes, you may read that and be like, "why is that bad? You're friends...I don't see the bad!" Well, that's what I thought, too. Except I am learning this new thing about myself where I covet my alone time without even realizing it, so certain sporadic, random, spontaneous invites to go places and do things KINDA FREAKS ME OUT.
Okay, I'm not saying all of them are hard. But gosh, sometimes, and of course I have no control over WHEN those times are, I just really DON'T WANT TO BE SOCIAL, OKAY? Is that bad? Does that make me a terrible, selfish human being? AM I THE ONLY PERSON WHO GETS LIKE THIS?
The answer to all of those questions is NO. No, it is not bad. No, it does not make me (or you) a terrible, selfish human being. No, I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO GETS LIKE THIS. Friends, it is TOTALLY OKAY to not be okay. Do you know that? Here's the thing I am trying to do more and more, though. I'm trying not to let that desire to be around nobody but myself be the thing that I end up giving into every time. Sometimes, it really really is okay to just take some time for ourselves. Necessary, even. However, there are also those times when I am just making a silly excuse up by saying "Oh, but I have things to do", when really my 'things' are just writing some letters and reading a book that I'm currently addicted to. Those do not give me a "get out of socializing free" card for the day.
I am recognizing the more times I have these feelings that it is actually another form of fear. Fear is something I constantly want my life to be known for in the way that I fought against it. Shoot, I even re-titled this blog after that desire in me to not let that STUPID FEAR win. The blog first started when I decided to leave this country for the wonderful (and seriously hot) country of Honduras. *Feel free to scroll back to my first blogs for more on that adventure* Then when I got back my blog's theme was more of how I viewed life in light of how Honduras changed me...except I'm pretty sure I only managed to make one entry...oops. Then there was this current season. The season of battling fear. My dear buddy Ben Rector (okay maybe he doesn't know he is but WHATEVER, a girl can DREAM, right?) has this beautiful song called...you guessed it (or maybe you didn't) FEAR. He has this line in there that immediately made it my absolute favorite song of his:
I learned to dance with the fear that I'd been running from.
Thank you, Ben, for making fear something okay to have. So often we hear that we have to be fearless. Well, I don't think that actually even exists. I think the only way we can get over fear is to just deal with it. To push through. To keep going in the direction God is calling us, even though it's scary. The only way to do life well isn't to get RID of fear, it's to dance with it. Ben is a smart guy.
I ended up going to my friends' house and hanging with my sweet friends and smiling at cute babies and eating yummy food and, my favorite part, playing with a cute Corgi (yes, I am that person who gets more excited about the dogs at parties than I do about the humans sometimes.). And then guess what...I still got to go home and do some reading and some writing. Turns out there's time for all of it. Then I ended my night with some karaoke jamming with our youth group kids, and DUH, THAT IS NEVER NOT FUN. On my drive home tonight, I noticed the rain had stopped and the sun was shining through the clouds, the clouds that earlier in the day threatened to steal my joy, metaphorically, because I felt a little broken in not wanting to be with people. That's what God does, though, isn't it? He reminds us of His love in something as simple yet beautiful as a cloud.
My last thought before I go, something again simple yet so needed, was this reminder from my friend, Sarah. No matter what trouble we go through here on earth...it's all TEMPORARY. I pray you can rest in that today. And always. We were never meant to bare heartache and pain forever. The only forever we were meant for is when we go Home. Thank You, Jesus.
Okay, I'm not saying all of them are hard. But gosh, sometimes, and of course I have no control over WHEN those times are, I just really DON'T WANT TO BE SOCIAL, OKAY? Is that bad? Does that make me a terrible, selfish human being? AM I THE ONLY PERSON WHO GETS LIKE THIS?
The answer to all of those questions is NO. No, it is not bad. No, it does not make me (or you) a terrible, selfish human being. No, I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO GETS LIKE THIS. Friends, it is TOTALLY OKAY to not be okay. Do you know that? Here's the thing I am trying to do more and more, though. I'm trying not to let that desire to be around nobody but myself be the thing that I end up giving into every time. Sometimes, it really really is okay to just take some time for ourselves. Necessary, even. However, there are also those times when I am just making a silly excuse up by saying "Oh, but I have things to do", when really my 'things' are just writing some letters and reading a book that I'm currently addicted to. Those do not give me a "get out of socializing free" card for the day.
I am recognizing the more times I have these feelings that it is actually another form of fear. Fear is something I constantly want my life to be known for in the way that I fought against it. Shoot, I even re-titled this blog after that desire in me to not let that STUPID FEAR win. The blog first started when I decided to leave this country for the wonderful (and seriously hot) country of Honduras. *Feel free to scroll back to my first blogs for more on that adventure* Then when I got back my blog's theme was more of how I viewed life in light of how Honduras changed me...except I'm pretty sure I only managed to make one entry...oops. Then there was this current season. The season of battling fear. My dear buddy Ben Rector (okay maybe he doesn't know he is but WHATEVER, a girl can DREAM, right?) has this beautiful song called...you guessed it (or maybe you didn't) FEAR. He has this line in there that immediately made it my absolute favorite song of his:
I learned to dance with the fear that I'd been running from.
Thank you, Ben, for making fear something okay to have. So often we hear that we have to be fearless. Well, I don't think that actually even exists. I think the only way we can get over fear is to just deal with it. To push through. To keep going in the direction God is calling us, even though it's scary. The only way to do life well isn't to get RID of fear, it's to dance with it. Ben is a smart guy.
I ended up going to my friends' house and hanging with my sweet friends and smiling at cute babies and eating yummy food and, my favorite part, playing with a cute Corgi (yes, I am that person who gets more excited about the dogs at parties than I do about the humans sometimes.). And then guess what...I still got to go home and do some reading and some writing. Turns out there's time for all of it. Then I ended my night with some karaoke jamming with our youth group kids, and DUH, THAT IS NEVER NOT FUN. On my drive home tonight, I noticed the rain had stopped and the sun was shining through the clouds, the clouds that earlier in the day threatened to steal my joy, metaphorically, because I felt a little broken in not wanting to be with people. That's what God does, though, isn't it? He reminds us of His love in something as simple yet beautiful as a cloud.
My last thought before I go, something again simple yet so needed, was this reminder from my friend, Sarah. No matter what trouble we go through here on earth...it's all TEMPORARY. I pray you can rest in that today. And always. We were never meant to bare heartache and pain forever. The only forever we were meant for is when we go Home. Thank You, Jesus.
Tuesday, April 19, 2016
Letting Go
The older I get, and specifically this year, I've learned why letting go really is okay. I find myself so often going back to the waaaaay way past and wanting to drudge it back up again...
* "That thing that friend did? It really made me question her faith. I need to ask her about it because even though we're back on good terms again, it still bothers me.."
* "So and so really hurt me when he (fill in the blank). I thought I'd forgiven it, but maybe we should revisit that issue."
* "Why didn't what's her face ever (fill in the blank)? Why did she act like that wasn't wrong?"
* "That person never really (fill in the blank), but I can never be honest if I never tell her how I feel."
Guys. If I'm not careful, these things and others like them can begin to haunt me. Scenarios of life that I think I have to figure out, even though they happened eons ago (Yes, I said eons. It's a fun word, no?). Do they really matter? I think sometimes I get paralyzed in this mindset. Why? Because I've also been learning so much lately about what it means to be real. To be honest. Honest about our dirt. To stop hiding. To be okay with and embrace that we are all broken people.
I read in Don Miller's book, Scary Close, that if we are never fully honest, we can never be fully known.
What. That's a huge statement! And it terrifies me.
The more I dwell on that and consider how valuable and necessary life with other people is, the more I have realized I have discovered my *actual* biggest fear. ( see my last blog post, which was over a year ago, oops, for more on fears and junk)
I'm most afraid of not being fully known by people. Of unknowingly lying to myself and therefore lying to everyone else around me as well.
Gosh, how I want to be known. That's what we were each created for. Well, guess what? Wanna know the cool part?
We Are Fully Known Already.
Our Father God, who loves us so. dang. much. He knows us. The tricky part is we have to be willing to constantly get to know more of ourselves. * I mean, I know I'm not the only one who keeps learning things about myself and then going, "wait, WHY THE HECK DIDN'T I EVER SEE THAT BEFORE?!?!"
Anyway, back to letting go. Being fully known doesn't have to mean we share every part of our lives with every single person.
What I believe it DOES mean?
-We can't be afraid to say the hard stuff. We shouldn't feel the need to hide parts of our lives. It's those very things that are our "red flag". They keep us from genuine community. If you're not willing to share even the hard, the ugly? Then yes, it's quite impossible for people to really know you.
Trust me, I don't have this figured out yet, either. But hey, we're all in this thing together, right?
I'm rooting for you...praying for you...don't be afraid to show your true self.
***Oh. And just for the record? No, I don't think bringing up the past just for the sake of bringing it up is worth it. The answers you may get ultimately aren't going to change who the people are NOW, right? Let's love like we were meant to: right where we really are. ***
* "That thing that friend did? It really made me question her faith. I need to ask her about it because even though we're back on good terms again, it still bothers me.."
* "So and so really hurt me when he (fill in the blank). I thought I'd forgiven it, but maybe we should revisit that issue."
* "Why didn't what's her face ever (fill in the blank)? Why did she act like that wasn't wrong?"
* "That person never really (fill in the blank), but I can never be honest if I never tell her how I feel."
Guys. If I'm not careful, these things and others like them can begin to haunt me. Scenarios of life that I think I have to figure out, even though they happened eons ago (Yes, I said eons. It's a fun word, no?). Do they really matter? I think sometimes I get paralyzed in this mindset. Why? Because I've also been learning so much lately about what it means to be real. To be honest. Honest about our dirt. To stop hiding. To be okay with and embrace that we are all broken people.
I read in Don Miller's book, Scary Close, that if we are never fully honest, we can never be fully known.
What. That's a huge statement! And it terrifies me.
The more I dwell on that and consider how valuable and necessary life with other people is, the more I have realized I have discovered my *actual* biggest fear. ( see my last blog post, which was over a year ago, oops, for more on fears and junk)
I'm most afraid of not being fully known by people. Of unknowingly lying to myself and therefore lying to everyone else around me as well.
Gosh, how I want to be known. That's what we were each created for. Well, guess what? Wanna know the cool part?
We Are Fully Known Already.
Our Father God, who loves us so. dang. much. He knows us. The tricky part is we have to be willing to constantly get to know more of ourselves. * I mean, I know I'm not the only one who keeps learning things about myself and then going, "wait, WHY THE HECK DIDN'T I EVER SEE THAT BEFORE?!?!"
Anyway, back to letting go. Being fully known doesn't have to mean we share every part of our lives with every single person.
What I believe it DOES mean?
-We can't be afraid to say the hard stuff. We shouldn't feel the need to hide parts of our lives. It's those very things that are our "red flag". They keep us from genuine community. If you're not willing to share even the hard, the ugly? Then yes, it's quite impossible for people to really know you.
Trust me, I don't have this figured out yet, either. But hey, we're all in this thing together, right?
I'm rooting for you...praying for you...don't be afraid to show your true self.
***Oh. And just for the record? No, I don't think bringing up the past just for the sake of bringing it up is worth it. The answers you may get ultimately aren't going to change who the people are NOW, right? Let's love like we were meant to: right where we really are. ***
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)