Do you like the word shame? Doesn't it ever just make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside? Oh...no?? Yeah, me neither. If I'm being honest, shame is something I would rather avoid at all costs, as I am sure you would like to do as well. Well, here's what I've learned about shame:
* IT'S ALL ABOUT GRACE *
I've been doing a devotion the past few weeks and one of the focuses was on the story of Hosea. Hosea is my favorite. Hosea is absolutely nuts for loving someone who constantly shows her hatred for him in return. Hosea is JESUS. And we know that Jesus is the only one who can offer us salvation. Do you really know what salvation is? Because most of the time when I think about it, I picture Jesus dying on the cross so that I can live. What I forget are all the beautiful parts in between.
The literal definition of salvation is "the act of saving or protecting from harm, risk, loss, destruction"
God didn't just send His son one time for all of us; He sends Him everyday. Do you see it? Do you see how He sends his salvation for you again and again? Listen, I am a huge Harry Potter fan, so of course for this, I am going to relate shame to the dementors in the story. Dementors' purpose is to suck out all of the life within you. Isn't that what shame's purpose is, too? To make us feel so low, so dark, so heavy, so STUCK that we find it near impossible to ever see a way out of it? Then, that's when the beauty comes. It comes in the form of a friend. Or a scripture. Or a story.
In the effort of being honest, this next part is going to be really raw. But, I am afraid you still just won't get what I'm saying unless I paint my own picture. What you need to know is that I live with comparison. I swear, it does not leave me alone. It follows me everywhere and always whispers mean things. It won't shut up about how much I fail and how I don't measure up. Oh my Holy Jesus, can I get an AMEN?!?! Is comparison your bully, too?? Comparison is the fastest way I find myself in a state of shame. And shame is the fastest way I ever feel shackled; the thing that makes me feel the least amount of free. Don't miss this: God did what He did so we would be free. Just because the word free is a big, all encompassing, hard to fully understand word, doesn't mean that we can't still feel it. I never knew how to feel free, because I never knew that I felt like a hostage.
The current season of my life has landed me in a state of shame because I compare myself to someone else. I see what she is doing for the kingdom of Jesus and I immediately believe I am not doing enough. I believe people are looking at me and believing that with me. I feel badly about my seemingly small contributions. When I get to that place, I proceed to close people off. I can't talk about anything because it ALL consumes me and makes me feel small and unimportant. Can I tell you a (not so) secret? The best, and possibly only, way to deal with shame is to speak it out loud. I finally told my friend how I felt. And her response was barely anything. And yet it was everything. She didn't try to assure me of anything. She just sat there in a frustrated for me kind of state and whispered, "oh, buddy." In those two words I knew I was wrong. I knew I was okay. I knew that the only reason she was upset is because I actually believe those lies I keep hearing.
Shame is really really hard to overcome. But it is not impossible. The thing I've discovered is the antidote to shame is simple. It's grace.
You know that cliche song, "Your Grace Is Enough"? I used to like it. For about a half second. And then I got tired of it and it sounded silly and kind of childish. I think that's what's even funnier about this post, all I can think of is that song and how true that line really is. Grace is something we do not deserve because Jesus is someone we don't deserve. And yet. Here He is, offering us the one thing we cannot offer ourselves because we simply do not know how. But He does. He gives us grace. And therefore, He gives us freedom. Because His grace really IS enough. God offers us grace just like Hosea offered Gomer grace - because they want us to feel the freedom from our own bondage.
Jesus keeps choosing our mess IN THE NAME OF FREEDOM.
Oh, how I wish I could believe that everyday. I wish I could live out my faith like that. But, God knows it's really hard sometimes...so He sends us people to help us see the light when we cannot see it ourselves. Cling tightly to those people in your lives who are grace-givers. You're gonna need them to battle all these storms ahead.
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