Firework

As I sit here working on my lesson plans for the week, yes, I've been putting them off all weekend, I keep thinking about the sermon at church this morning. The pastor talked a lot about how every single part of our lives is a testament to our faith. Not only that, but to be living out our mission each day and in all aspects of our day. Goodness, that is a really hard pill for me to swallow. It's easy for me to think that since I'm a 'missionary" here, that I'm always showing God's love in my daily life, but I don't think that's the case. See, I'm having a real struggle with one of my classes this year. Not just your typical problems, but the kind where that class is full of kids who, when all put together, are just a natural struggle. The thing is, many days it seems like I'm the only teacher who struggles with them.

I read their bell ringer journals this weekend, and quite a few kids mentioned how angry I seem in class most days (because they act absolutely ridiculous) and how I never listen to their opinions and I don't really care about them. Clearly, that is not true, but am I really the only person who believes what they say isn't true? Could it be that I am so obsessed with them behaving and telling them to be quiet when I'm talking that I get angry when they don't, and therefore let it affect the way I come off to them? Gosh, I don't want to be that teacher who all my kids just wish would go back to the States already, but I can't help but think that is exactly how a few of them feel. The problem isn't really them, I mean, it is, but it isn't. It's the way I handle them. As I looked back on this week, and the last few weeks really, I haven't been taking this issue to God the way I normally would. I just keep thinking, "it'll get better". Yet it never does. Whenever I'm praying about something, God shows up in ways that I never would have seen Him had I NOT been praying. I want to give this situation, wholly and completely to Christ, trusting that He will work through it.

The one thing, if anything, that I wanted to bring to these kids was the love of Christ. I'm not doing a very good job. Obviously that is because it's been me trying to do it, instead of me letting God have control of the situation. I wanted to post this for two reasons. First, I don't want to come off in my posts like my spiritual life is going well, because clearly, at the moment, it isn't. And second, I want to share this with you so you can keep me accountable. Most of you reading this have other means of contacting me, so I would love it if you could be praying with me about this, and also contact me and ask me how this week is going. Help me keep God in focus, instead of myself. God created community for a reason, no matter how far away we may be, I need some accountability. So, feel free to ask me how I'm doing!

Thanks for listening to my problems, it feels good to get them off my chest. In the words of my campus ministers: "This is going to be the best week ever!" That doesn't mean anything is for sure going to change, except how I view myself and my relationship with God. Plus, when it comes down to it, that's the only thing that matters, anyway. I called this Firework because I've been listening to that song by Katy Perry. I know it's not based on our faith lives, but it totally could be if you think about it. "You're a firework, come on, show 'em what you're worth. You're a firework, come on, let your colors burst!" We should be fireworks for Christ, in whatever it is we're doing. I want to be a beautiful firework, but I can't do that only in my own strength. It's time to re evaluate my heart and make sure it's chasing after things of Heaven, not after things of this world.