Letting Go

The older I get, and specifically this year, I've learned why letting go really is okay. I find myself so often going back to the waaaaay way past and wanting to drudge it back up again...

* "That thing that friend did? It really made me question her faith. I need to ask her about it because even though we're back on good terms again, it still bothers me.."

* "So and so really hurt me when he (fill in the blank). I thought I'd forgiven it, but maybe we should revisit that issue."

* "Why didn't what's her face ever (fill in the blank)? Why did she act like that wasn't wrong?"

* "That person never really (fill in the blank), but I can never be honest if I never tell her how I feel."

Guys. If I'm not careful, these things and others like them can begin to haunt me. Scenarios of life that I think I have to figure out, even though they happened eons ago (Yes, I said eons. It's a fun word, no?). Do they really matter? I think sometimes I get paralyzed in this mindset. Why? Because I've also been learning so much lately about what it means to be real. To be honest. Honest about our dirt. To stop hiding. To be okay with and embrace that we are all broken people.

I read in Don Miller's book, Scary Close, that if we are never fully honest, we can never be fully known.

What. That's a huge statement! And it terrifies me.

The more I dwell on that and consider how valuable and necessary life with other people is, the more I have realized I have discovered my *actual* biggest fear. ( see my last blog post, which was over a year ago, oops, for more on fears and junk)

I'm most afraid of not being fully known by people. Of unknowingly lying to myself and therefore lying to everyone else around me as well.

Gosh, how I want to be known. That's what we were each created for. Well, guess what? Wanna know the cool part?

We        Are        Fully       Known      Already.

Our Father God, who loves us so. dang. much. He knows us. The tricky part is we have to be willing to constantly get to know more of ourselves. * I mean, I know I'm not the only one who keeps learning things about myself and then going, "wait, WHY THE HECK DIDN'T I EVER SEE THAT BEFORE?!?!"

Anyway, back to letting go. Being fully known doesn't have to mean we share every part of our lives with every single person.

What I believe it DOES mean?
-We can't be afraid to say the hard stuff. We shouldn't feel the need to hide parts of our lives. It's those very things that are our "red flag". They keep us from genuine community. If you're not willing to share even the hard, the ugly? Then yes, it's quite impossible for people to really know you.

Trust me, I don't have this figured out yet, either. But hey, we're all in this thing together, right?

I'm rooting for you...praying for you...don't be afraid to show your true self.

***Oh. And just for the record? No, I don't think bringing up the past just for the sake of bringing it up is worth it. The answers you may get ultimately aren't going to change who the people are NOW, right? Let's love like we were meant to: right where we really are. ***